workin women

the world in which we live in is interesting these days.

and i feel as though it just keeps getting

more so

and

more so.

trends seem to change faster than

in the earlier days

around 1900 . . .

people thought something was severely wrong if

a married woman was employed. 

people would think her husband was,

"absent,

crippled,

or

incompetent."

obviously that's much different than work trends today.

the percentage of women in the workforce has increased from

25.4% in 1940

to

59.5% in 2008.

there is a lot of discrepancy about whether it is more 

beneficial

or

detrimental

to the lives of children if both parents work outside the home.

i know that for me, personally . . 

my mom was really present in my life all growing up.

she was a stay at home mom until i was 10 and my parents got divorced.

she then worked as a teacher

from when i was 10 to 13,

so essentially she was at work 

the same hours as

i was at school.

i knew i could always count on my mom

to be there when i needed her.

and i really was only alone for about an hour

with my little brother

while we would wait for mom to come home from her school.

i know this really affected me positively for the better.

- other factors to consider -

some pros for children when both parents work outside the home:

"-they learn self-sufficiency at an early age.

-even young children need their 'space.'

-parents can find caregivers who provide needed supervision and loving attention

-quality, not quantity, of time with parents is more crucial to the kids' development.

-parents making more $$ can provide kids with better quality of life."

some cons for children when both parents work outside the home:

"-kids feel they take second place to parents' careers. 

-they have inadequate supervision.

-they have too little time with their parents

-they don't have their mother's undivided time in their early years of life

-non-parental caregivers don't give kids the love and attention they need to thrive."

- "marriage and family - the quest for intimacy" 

i think for my future family i would ideally like to spend as much time with my children as possible.

if i could find a way to make money from working inside my home,

by doing eyelash extensions or something,

i would love that!

but i do know that different working and living situations

work better and worse

for different marriages and families.

so.

explore it for yourself 

and

involve God in all of your decisions.

He'll show you the way

always.

:)

xoxo

kelsie fay

 

conflict

welp.

yet another holiday has come and gone . . .

this thanksgiving my heart and soul was filled with pure gratitude for

- my savior, Jesus Christ - 

as we went around our thanksgiving table,

each individually expressing our unique feelings of gratefulness,

i couldn't help but feel overwhelmed by my savior's love.

He has helped me through a LOT

just this past week alone.

so much so in fact,

that i have felt my faith and strength in Him significantly

g r o w. 

what led me to this growth,

started out with feelings of 

conflict. 

deep within my 

heart

mind

and soul.

in further describing the potential benefit of conflict in your life . . .

think of your two eyeballs.

because of their different placement on your face,

each sees a slightly different view of a single object.

(you can experiment with this by simultaneously covering your right and left eye while keeping your focus on one object. you will notice it appears the object moves.) 

you could ask yourself:

"well which eye's view is 'right' and which view is 'wrong'?"

the views may seem conflicting.

but the truth is, 

they are both valid.

and with these seemingly conflicting views your eyeballs have when used individually,

can actually create

more clarity about the object

and

depth perception

when they are used together.

something that could not be accomplished

through the vision of one eye alone.

thus we can analogate 

(yes i'm officially making up words here) :)

that without any conflicting experiences in our lives,

we could never gain ultimate 

clarity

perspective

and 

depth.

just because you have conflicting opinions with someone,

doesn't mean you have to conflict with them.

take it as an opportunity to

learn

grow

and truly

see.

that's all.

:)

xoxo

kelsie fay

ps.

here's a pic of me and my mama on turkey day

sometimes i think we kind of look really a lot alike

:)

- p e r s p e c t i v e -

i must say . .

 i keep learning and understanding

more 

&

more

&

more

&

more

about 

.

.

. 

- p e r s p e c t i v e -

and how very much the lens through which we, and others, 

see . . .

 life

situations

 and other people 

is like. the most crucial thing ever.

:)

and further exploring . .

that actually how we 

p e r c e i v e

life

situations

and other people

is more important than:

what is actually going on in our lives.

what really happened.

and the words he/she specifically spoke.

what matters more is:

how we interpreted these things,

how they made us feel,

and who we are as a result of them.

william shakespeare once said, 

"there is nothing either good or bad, but

thinking

makes it so" 

a rich man and a poor man could both be given the same meal of steak and potatoes for dinner.

however,

each individual man's opinion of

the same steak and potatoes,

are most likely going to be wildly different from each other,

given their different

- p e r s p e c t i v e s -

the poor man may have thought to himself,

"my this steak is incredible!"

simply for the fact that it was something warm to eat.

whereas . . . 

the rich man may have thought to himself,

"i find this steak only tolerable to my tastebuds",

given it wasn't seasoned to his optimal liking.

different perspectives.

different realities.

same steak.

"there is nothing either good or bad, but

thinking

makes it so."

what comes to mind when you hear the word,

"crisis" 

?

i'm willing to guess that for a vast majority of us,

"crisis" solicits feelings of

panic

fear

negativity

anxiety

etc.

however i think with more understanding,

we can cultivate better feelings toward a word that gets such a bad rap.

in chinese, "crisis" is comprised of two distinct characters:

the first meaning danger,

the second meaning opportunity.

thus we can further reflect and learn that . . .

 perhaps maybe there's a reason behind the "awful" things that happen to us. 

maybe we are meant to do more than just endure.

maybe every crisis we encounter is to give us an

o p p o r t u n i t y to grow

if

we can view this with the right

- p e r s p e c t i v e - 

i just returned from serving a full-time mission in las vegas for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints a few months ago.

it was there that i found a talk that completely changed my outlook on the mission,

and continues to influence my growing

- p e r s p e c t i v e -

in my life.

it is:

the fourth missionary by lawrence e. corbridge

i would like to share an excerpt from his talk that i feel goes well with our subject at hand:

"every challenge you face, 

every hard thing you confront, 

every bad thing that happens to you, 

every unfairness, 

every conflict,

 every sadness,

 tragedy,

 every disappointment and heartache, 

every temptation and every opposition 

happens for one purpose only:

 to give you 

o p p o r t u n i t y

 to respond

 by applying in your life the teachings of Jesus.

 as you do so,

 you are changed to become more like Him."

we are all in the driver's seat of our own lives.

while we may not have any control over

what cards we're dealt to begin with

 or

how people treat us,

we CAN choose to view all of these things in life as 

o p p o r t u n i t i e s

to grow and become more like our savior.

and.

if we can't currently see things from this view,

we can always ask for help to

change.

our.

- p e r s p e c t i v e -

xoxo

kelsiefay

you play how you practice

you know.

it's 6:07 pm and it's pitch black outside.

pitch.

black!

daylight savings this past week,

 gave me one more hour of precious sleep:)

which i thoroughly enjoyed! 

but now it gets dark so early that it feels like

10

when it's really only

6.

interesting.

time is such a weird thing to me! 

i often feel like i have no concept of it . . .

which can get me into

trouble

sometimes when i have a deadline of sorts.

mostly i just enjoy being in moments

soaking them in

soaking them up

and just

.

.

.

being.

with whom and wherever i am:)

although!

you know what actually?

i have actually figured out that:

time is very important.

the passage of time,

and also,

what you do IN that time,

can change everything.

we all know that practice makes perfect right?
but why do we tend to not take this concept as seriously when it comes to "practicing marriage" in dating? 
i guess i should speak more for myself than for everyone as a whole.
but.
i know that for me, in my previous relationships, i've taken complete loyalty and total fidelity:
physically
emotionally
mentally
rather lightly. 
too lightly in fact.
why and how what on earth was i thinking when..
 i thought it was okay to kiss two boys that i was "sort of dating" in the same night?! 
heavens.
so not okay!
luckily i am learning and
understanding and
growing into
what is more
real.

i think most young adults around my age (23) feel that it's okay to "play the field" and keep their eyes open to seeing others, even when they're in a committed relationship. i know i fell pray to this mentality in the past. 
but.
truth is . . .
you play how you practice.
and if you practice wrong, 
you'll probably play wrong.

prior to my family studies class, i thought infidelity was simply being unfaithful to a spouse in marriage physically . . . by having a physical, sexual affair. 
turns out there are many more ways infidelity can occur in marriage and luckily,
even more ways one can prevent these things from ever even having a chance or potential of occuring.

four types of affairs:
1) fantasy - ". . . having an emotional affair with someone who has no knowledge about what is taking place, or with someone who is anonymous and would likely never meet." - infidelity: protecting our marriages by scott gardner and christian greiner
2) visual affair/pornography - "but i say unto you, that whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath already committed adultery with her in his heart" - matthew 5:28
3) romantic affair - "an individual becomes emotionally involved with a specific person other than his or her spouse. it is characterized by a 'second life' and is a result of trying to escape the monotony of everyday life."
4) sexual affair - "whoso committeth adultery with a woman lacketh understanding: he that doeth it destroyeth his own soul." - proverbs 6:32

it seems to me that all of these types of affairs and infidelity are induced by a person's desire to escape their own reality and dwell in a different place - always thinking that the grass is greener elsewhere. bruce c. hafen also explores the idea that infidelity may have less to do with the state of a marriage, 
but rather, 
the individual. 
"when men or women are true to the deepest instincts of their natures, they will nurture sensitivity and kindness as part of their martial fidelity. but when their motives darken toward betrayal or a quest for power, they cast away their human kindness in ways that deny the link between true sexuality and fidelity." 

given this statement, it would seem that:
we can prevent affairs by changing who WE are and how WE act. 
evaluate the state of your heart. if what you do is more "actionary" or "reactionary" and why.  and set appropriate boundaries.

the following are suggested boundaries:
- don't share the most painful things of your sould with an attractive alternative. this develops deep levels of intimacy.
- if a conversation makes light of marriage, respond with something positive about your own marriage.
-discuss marital issues with your spouse. if you do need to talk to someone else about your marriage, be sure they are a friend of the marriage.
-don't have lunch or take work breaks with the same person all the time.
-bring your spouse to class reunions. especially if you know an old boyfriend/girlfriend will be there.
-don't "do lunch" with someone you used to date.
-don't allow your heart to dwell on anyone.

and if you're not in a marriage relationship yet, these boundaries can still be practiced while dating and in committed relationships.
because ultimately:
you'll play how you practice,
so practice how you want to play.
and in this case . . . 
we've GOT to practice 
fidelity
loyalty
trust
and
true, unselfish love.

xoxo

kelsiefay

 
 
 

jammy day

today.

was a pajama day.

literally did not change out of my pajamas

 all.

 day.

no teeth brushing,

hair combing,

showering,

or leaving the house . . . 

let alone my room for within the first 9 hours of being awake!

today i was a real life hermit.

and you know what?

i thoroughly and completely enjoyed

every

s

i

n

g

l

e

second of it:)

proof:

 

 today was a day of:

pondering

reflecting

crying

realizing

talking

telling

feeling

writing

listening

learning

loving

understanding

progressing

connecting

creating

breathing

thinking

praying

and

laundrying

:)

all in my jammies.

can i tell you some of my discoveries?

thoughts?

connections?

and feelings?

from jammy day?

okay:)

recently in class we have been diving into our own families:

the overall dynamics

how individual personalities contribute to the family's functioning

what role each member of the family plays

subsystems and relationships in the family

etc

and i tell you what.

it's been rather emotional.

i come from a blended family.

meaning:

my parents got divorced when i was 11 and my mom remarried a wonderful man with 5 daughters.

and so.

we are now a blended family of 10, comprising of 6 daughters, 2 sons and 2 parents... 

plus

5 brothers/sisters in law and 

3 grandkids.

there's a lot of us.

and always a lot going on

and we just keep growing.

in all of the digging and delving into the soul of my family,

i've found a lot of:

misunderstandings

disconnection

exclusion

division 

and

rejection

while at the same finding:

mutual compromise

love

connection

care

and

support

feelings have been:

hurt

shared

validated

suppressed

pretended

acknowledged

squashed

disregarded

and

considered.

and it's hard!

and great!

and terrible!

and amazing!

and dysfunctional!

and functional!

and healthy!

and unhealthy!

and

and

and!

family,

 and the dynamics of it and relations in it, 

are so many different things at the same time,

that sometimes . . .

(lets just be real)

it's hard to stay

sane. 

and today,

in my jammies,

i realized it's all actually

.

.

.

okay 

. 

. 

.

it's not bad,

not good,

not anything.

it just

simply 

is.

i can accept the things about my family and family members i cannot change.

i can accept what is,

while still fostering healthy boundaries and relationships in my "family of origin"

and committing to starting new patterns, dynamics and trends in my future "family of creation" 

the more you learn about your own family dynamics the more you can discover what traits you'd love to keep and which ones you'd rather discard.

think about your daily, weekly, holiday

family interactions.

and

observe

evaluate

consider 

and 

reflect.

the more you know and are aware,

the better you can use your agency and choose how you want your life and relationships to be.

you can

create it.

:)

and then you can create something new in your room like i did today:

 i love jammy day.

that's all.

xoxo

kelsiefay