you know.
it's 6:07 pm and it's pitch black outside.
pitch.
black!
daylight savings this past week,
gave me one more hour of precious sleep:)
which i thoroughly enjoyed!
but now it gets dark so early that it feels like
10
when it's really only
6.
interesting.
time is such a weird thing to me!
i often feel like i have no concept of it . . .
which can get me into
trouble
sometimes when i have a deadline of sorts.
mostly i just enjoy being in moments
soaking them in
soaking them up
and just
.
.
.
being.
with whom and wherever i am:)
although!
you know what actually?
i have actually figured out that:
time is very important.
the passage of time,
and also,
what you do IN that time,
can change everything.
we all know that practice makes perfect right?
but why do we tend to not take this concept as seriously when it comes to "practicing marriage" in dating?
i guess i should speak more for myself than for everyone as a whole.
but.
i know that for me, in my previous relationships, i've taken complete loyalty and total fidelity:
physically
emotionally
mentally
rather lightly.
too lightly in fact.
why and how what on earth was i thinking when..
i thought it was okay to kiss two boys that i was "sort of dating" in the same night?!
heavens.
so not okay!
luckily i am learning and
understanding and
growing into
what is more
real.
i think most young adults around my age (23) feel that it's okay to "play the field" and keep their eyes open to seeing others, even when they're in a committed relationship. i know i fell pray to this mentality in the past.
but.
truth is . . .
you play how you practice.
and if you practice wrong,
you'll probably play wrong.
prior to my family studies class, i thought infidelity was simply being unfaithful to a spouse in marriage physically . . . by having a physical, sexual affair.
turns out there are many more ways infidelity can occur in marriage and luckily,
even more ways one can prevent these things from ever even having a chance or potential of occuring.
four types of affairs:
1) fantasy - ". . . having an emotional affair with someone who has no knowledge about what is taking place, or with someone who is anonymous and would likely never meet." - infidelity: protecting our marriages by scott gardner and christian greiner
2) visual affair/pornography - "but i say unto you, that whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath already committed adultery with her in his heart" - matthew 5:28
3) romantic affair - "an individual becomes emotionally involved with a specific person other than his or her spouse. it is characterized by a 'second life' and is a result of trying to escape the monotony of everyday life."
4) sexual affair - "whoso committeth adultery with a woman lacketh understanding: he that doeth it destroyeth his own soul." - proverbs 6:32
it seems to me that all of these types of affairs and infidelity are induced by a person's desire to escape their own reality and dwell in a different place - always thinking that the grass is greener elsewhere. bruce c. hafen also explores the idea that infidelity may have less to do with the state of a marriage,
but rather,
the individual.
"when men or women are true to the deepest instincts of their natures, they will nurture sensitivity and kindness as part of their martial fidelity. but when their motives darken toward betrayal or a quest for power, they cast away their human kindness in ways that deny the link between true sexuality and fidelity."
given this statement, it would seem that:
we can prevent affairs by changing who WE are and how WE act.
evaluate the state of your heart. if what you do is more "actionary" or "reactionary" and why. and set appropriate boundaries.
the following are suggested boundaries:
- don't share the most painful things of your sould with an attractive alternative. this develops deep levels of intimacy.
- if a conversation makes light of marriage, respond with something positive about your own marriage.
-discuss marital issues with your spouse. if you do need to talk to someone else about your marriage, be sure they are a friend of the marriage.
-don't have lunch or take work breaks with the same person all the time.
-bring your spouse to class reunions. especially if you know an old boyfriend/girlfriend will be there.
-don't "do lunch" with someone you used to date.
-don't allow your heart to dwell on anyone.
and if you're not in a marriage relationship yet, these boundaries can still be practiced while dating and in committed relationships.
because ultimately:
you'll play how you practice,
so practice how you want to play.
and in this case . . .
we've GOT to practice
fidelity
loyalty
trust
and
true, unselfish love.
xoxo
kelsiefay
but why do we tend to not take this concept as seriously when it comes to "practicing marriage" in dating?
i guess i should speak more for myself than for everyone as a whole.
but.
i know that for me, in my previous relationships, i've taken complete loyalty and total fidelity:
physically
emotionally
mentally
rather lightly.
too lightly in fact.
why and how what on earth was i thinking when..
i thought it was okay to kiss two boys that i was "sort of dating" in the same night?!
heavens.
so not okay!
luckily i am learning and
understanding and
growing into
what is more
real.
i think most young adults around my age (23) feel that it's okay to "play the field" and keep their eyes open to seeing others, even when they're in a committed relationship. i know i fell pray to this mentality in the past.
but.
truth is . . .
you play how you practice.
and if you practice wrong,
you'll probably play wrong.
prior to my family studies class, i thought infidelity was simply being unfaithful to a spouse in marriage physically . . . by having a physical, sexual affair.
turns out there are many more ways infidelity can occur in marriage and luckily,
even more ways one can prevent these things from ever even having a chance or potential of occuring.
four types of affairs:
1) fantasy - ". . . having an emotional affair with someone who has no knowledge about what is taking place, or with someone who is anonymous and would likely never meet." - infidelity: protecting our marriages by scott gardner and christian greiner
2) visual affair/pornography - "but i say unto you, that whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath already committed adultery with her in his heart" - matthew 5:28
3) romantic affair - "an individual becomes emotionally involved with a specific person other than his or her spouse. it is characterized by a 'second life' and is a result of trying to escape the monotony of everyday life."
4) sexual affair - "whoso committeth adultery with a woman lacketh understanding: he that doeth it destroyeth his own soul." - proverbs 6:32
it seems to me that all of these types of affairs and infidelity are induced by a person's desire to escape their own reality and dwell in a different place - always thinking that the grass is greener elsewhere. bruce c. hafen also explores the idea that infidelity may have less to do with the state of a marriage,
but rather,
the individual.
"when men or women are true to the deepest instincts of their natures, they will nurture sensitivity and kindness as part of their martial fidelity. but when their motives darken toward betrayal or a quest for power, they cast away their human kindness in ways that deny the link between true sexuality and fidelity."
given this statement, it would seem that:
we can prevent affairs by changing who WE are and how WE act.
evaluate the state of your heart. if what you do is more "actionary" or "reactionary" and why. and set appropriate boundaries.
the following are suggested boundaries:
- don't share the most painful things of your sould with an attractive alternative. this develops deep levels of intimacy.
- if a conversation makes light of marriage, respond with something positive about your own marriage.
-discuss marital issues with your spouse. if you do need to talk to someone else about your marriage, be sure they are a friend of the marriage.
-don't have lunch or take work breaks with the same person all the time.
-bring your spouse to class reunions. especially if you know an old boyfriend/girlfriend will be there.
-don't "do lunch" with someone you used to date.
-don't allow your heart to dwell on anyone.
and if you're not in a marriage relationship yet, these boundaries can still be practiced while dating and in committed relationships.
because ultimately:
you'll play how you practice,
so practice how you want to play.
and in this case . . .
we've GOT to practice
fidelity
loyalty
trust
and
true, unselfish love.
xoxo
kelsiefay
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